These Moments

I was the person who made the "These Moments" journal page that Nelson showed to the class
I heard that few people thought that the idea was cool or something
and Nelson said something along the lines of "It makes me want to look up all these songs"

so

I've gone through and linked them a little behind of where the moment happens
so that you can get some context of the song
the yellow is when the moment is though, just in case you miss it

this reminds me of nelson's activity of the beautiful lines vs the tragic lines
many of these could go both ways
but click on one and listen in

these moments...

Storm - Godspeed You! Black Emporer [0:00]

Greet Death - Explosions in the Sky [5:12]

Easier - Grizzly Bear [5:12]

There Will Always Be Somebody Behind You - Maserati [3:58]

New Map - M83 [3:08]

Reedemer - Godspeed You! Black Emporer [10:25] 

(really this is less of a moment and more of a beginning of a long serene section. lasts until 21min marker for those who want to listen. One of my favorite things I've ever listened to)

Sultans of El Sur - The Mercury Program [3:45]

The Only Moment We Were Alone - Explosions in the Sky [8:23]

Cowboy Dan - Modest Mouse [2:20]

 - another great moment at [4:54] -

Marla - Grizzly Bear [1:53]

Chart #3 - Godspeed You! Black Emporer [the song]

Welcome, Ghosts - Explosions in the Sky [5:02]

Spaghetti Junction - Outkast [0:22]

Will Calls (Marfa Demo) - Grizzly Bear [1:45]

Past it Pastures - Precious Fathers [2:30]

Antennas to Heaven - Godspeed You! Black Emporer [10:10]

Ambassador of Cinema - Maserati [3:43]

Climbing up the Walls - Radiohead [4:02]

Freeze Frame Vision - Moonlit Sailor [2:46]

Svefn-g-englar - Sigur Ros [1:21]

Good Morning, Captain - Slint [6:40]

The last 3 songs close the list because they are closing songs on their respective albums

Foreground - Grizzly Bear [2:48]

Providence - Godspeed You! Black Emporer [17:40-21:00]

The Tree - Working For a Nuclear Free City [the song]

I understand this is a bunch to look at/listen to, but if nothing else check out the last 3

Please comment one of your favorite moments

Small Victories

Click here before you read the post


This week was a win for me

- I looked through old recordings of myself from 2012-2014
- I was excited to go to school
- Enjoyed a good time with old friends
- Found two jackets that were previously missing
- Found an old Kanye West CD that I had forgotten about since it was missing for something like six years. It sounds fantastic in my car
- No more attendance school for term 3 thank god


Although this week wasn't a loss for me
it was a loss for the world
Today I found and read this:

"Knowing that an individual death is meaningless - any individual
death, especially your own - that you are not a person, but a statistic
- and noticing, more each day, the countless deaths that occur around
you - of other people, of animals, of insects, of the sick and infirm, of
accident victims, of plants ripped from the earth and worms crushed
beneath the blades of plows - of authors in their rooms, scribbling out
desperate words in the backs of books no one will ever read- even the
shattering of molecular bonds, the disintegration of atomic structures,
happening in every moment, millions in each nanosecond, everywhere -

This is Deathconsciousness -
And It begs the question - “What is the point?"'

When I first read that I thought about a recent headline
about another bombing in an Iraq park
I thought about that headline
and how it included a number
it includes the number of people killed
a statistic
just like it said

It's awful
It's terrifying
It's depressing to think about the future of us
The future of you and me is depressing
We are the first generation in American history
that is expected to do worse financially than our parents
and with things like
pollution
terrorism
hatred
racism
political correctness
..how the hell are we supposed to take it on?

They say the future is uncertain, but I'm certain the future isn't something to look forward to

Why Are You so Afraid?

Fear is one of the most confusing emotions I've ever experienced

Why is it that fear is so varied
and so inconsistent

How is it that some people see clowns
and have chills sent through their back
but others see clowns and think of
the sun-blistering heat of a summer carnival

Does this mean that fear is a learned behavior?
but if that's the case

then why do most people have a common fear of spiders
or death
or heights

I would propose that it is because we are
uncertain of the outcomes
but we don't want to test it ourselves..

"What happens when we die?"
"How long would it take for me to fall from here.."
"......where did that spider go??"

But why do we have to know?
Why are we as humans so afraid of not knowing things

How do we even know that the fear I experience
is the same feeling that you call fear
how can both of these scenarios both describe real fear
when they are on such different levels

1. "I'm afraid of going up and saying hi to that girl"
2. "I'm afraid that my hopitalized mother isn't going to make it through the night. Who could ever replace her?"

I would argue that
it is completely embarassing
that those two things are both real fears
when the consequences aren't even comparable

Whoever wrote the book on fear must have died in the process
because I'm not convinced that he knew what he was talking about

fear is many things, and I don't know them all

the more I try to learn about fear
the less I understand about it
and that's terrifying

maybe the less I know

the better

Code of Life

Please prove to me that you aren't a robot
that what you have to say
is coming from a beating heart

Comment on here
the song that makes you feel alive
something that is so universal
it's almost tangible

I mean I'm not talking about the coolest word scheme
or the dopest beat or whatever
not even the most soulful singer
but just something plain and simple
something that everybody can have a sense of

This is a sense of nostalgia
This song makes me feel like I was 7 years old and
I would lay in the top bunk of my bed and stare at the white ceiling
the night light would illuminate the vague outlines
of the pasted ceiling and I would
make shapes in my head
of the ceiling
and make shapes
in my head
of all the things in life
and just
how simple life was
how simple it could be

This is my proof

Objects Permanence

The title of our journal page is
"I'd Like My Crayons Back Please"
but I'm not going to pretend like
my box of crayons isn't on a dusty shelf in my room
because that's exactly where they are

I'm an artist, a musician, a friend
I carry my "crayons" with me wherever I go
but If my crayons could talk
they would tell you
how much potential I had
and all of the things that I didn't create with them

They would tell you about how rarely I use them
and how they only get used enough
to keep the dust from collecting

At the end of the day
crayons are just tools
and what are tools without somebody to use them

Although

Without crayons life would be like a school hallway
lined with pictures that each child drew
and all of them were in black pen
There would be no expression
and
I can't express myself like I can
with my crayons

Maybe it's time that I take out some new coloring books...

Feeling Fresh

Different is not comfortable

but different is good

Today I was different because I posted on my blog

Yesterday I was different because I didn't go to work

In fact I quit my job

My life isn't worth 8$/hour right now because

I have the rest of my life to do that

I went with a friend I don't see too often and we rode ripstiks and longboards

down a hill in his neighborhood that I don't know

I got lost in the feeling of the sunlight on my arm

I felt the shivers and the happiness from being free for now

I did something different by inviting new people to a campfire

we listened to folk music and classic punk

as we roasted our brats on the sticks that we carved

Somebody started playing guitar and I started playing the harmonica

and he sang words to a song that none of us knew

not even himself

but we all knew how important this song was right now

I was different because instead of worrying about issues right now

I put my faith in the thought that I won't be here much longer

and that I can start a new life when I leave to go to college

I can get a fresh start

and fully experience and understand who I am

Different is not comfortable, but you quickly learn make yourself cozy

A place inside yourself

I wish that I could look into a mirror and not recognize who I am looking at
that I could see myself for the first time
because that way I could see what I look like from the viewpoint of a stranger
I wonder what a stranger would see
I wonder what you personally will think of me when we reveal who we are

I've known myself my whole life
and I know that when I look into a mirror
there is one thing that has always come to mind

u n s u r e t y

When I catch people looking at me I don't know whether:

A. They are staring because they think I look nice
                               or
B. My face is like a car accident; it's tragic and horrific but you can't help but stare

I wonder what you look like
not what I see at school

but what you look like when you are doing what you love to do
whatever it is that motivates you

In my mind if that's the way we saw everybody, nobody would feel ugly

Being Human is Being Inconsistent

Nelson said in class that we contradict ourselves all the time
and I am no exception
in fact here is a summary of why my being is contradictory:

I tell myself that others opinions of me don't matter as much as my own self esteem
but I don't pick up that hairbrush because I want to

I finished my introduction post before I could even get credit
I spent 3+ hours designing and figuring out my blog
and I think of topics I'd like to post about on it
yet I haven't posted anything for 6 weeks

I love to share my taste in music and talk about music with people
I hardly ever look up songs people recommend to me unless they remind me to

I am smart enough to get straight A's in my classes
I miss a lot of school and get only ok grades

I feel tired in class and just in general
I stay up late anyway

I want to meet people in this class as if it were my first time meeting them
I feel too self conscious and shy to actually approach most of you

I wish I had a girlfriend
I don't ask girls on dates


but when it all comes down to it
I feel like I know the answer to most of these problems

I know what it is but I just don't know how

to genuinely love
myself
and feel good about
who
I
am