Being Human is Being Inconsistent

Nelson said in class that we contradict ourselves all the time
and I am no exception
in fact here is a summary of why my being is contradictory:

I tell myself that others opinions of me don't matter as much as my own self esteem
but I don't pick up that hairbrush because I want to

I finished my introduction post before I could even get credit
I spent 3+ hours designing and figuring out my blog
and I think of topics I'd like to post about on it
yet I haven't posted anything for 6 weeks

I love to share my taste in music and talk about music with people
I hardly ever look up songs people recommend to me unless they remind me to

I am smart enough to get straight A's in my classes
I miss a lot of school and get only ok grades

I feel tired in class and just in general
I stay up late anyway

I want to meet people in this class as if it were my first time meeting them
I feel too self conscious and shy to actually approach most of you

I wish I had a girlfriend
I don't ask girls on dates


but when it all comes down to it
I feel like I know the answer to most of these problems

I know what it is but I just don't know how

to genuinely love
myself
and feel good about
who
I
am